


Illusion

by margarks



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 17:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margarks/pseuds/margarks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But Tony can't help from wanting Steve, even if all he may ever have is this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an Oscar Wilde quote. Thanks to [ladycat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladycat) for the beta.

  
_Illusion is the first of all pleasures_  
\- Oscar Wilde

Tony likes it best when Steve shows up for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes he'll sit on the couch in the corner and sketch, sometimes he'll play with Dummy, or sit on the stool by Tony and just listen while Tony rambles on about whatever projects he's working on.

It feels good, like acceptance and friendship. Like something he he had so long ago that the thought is more dream than memory. Some nights after Steve is gone, Tony feels hollowed out inside as if Steve's taken everything with him and left Tony with nothing.

But Tony can't help from wanting Steve, even if all he may ever have is this. 

He tries not to think about that day on the Helicarrier, tries not to remember Steve's words but Tony never really forgets anything. His brain is like a vault with a thousand and one rooms, some hopefully locked for good, but others seem to be blocked by nothing more than a set of faulty automatic doors.

Like Steve's words that day. 

"Stop pretending," Tony mutters to himself. The words had hit Tony like a body blow, painful in a way that Tony knew Steve hadn't really intended. Not because the staff was forcing the words from them, no, but because Steve had no way of knowing what they would mean to Tony.

"Did you say something, Tony?" Steve's expression is open and curious, like always, his half smile easing some of the ache in Tony's chest.

Tony forces a smile and shakes his head. "Nah, Cap. Just talking to myself."

"All right," Steve says, grin widening as he shakes his head.

"Hey, Steve?" The ache is back full force all of the sudden.

"Yeah, Tony?" Steve doesn't look up from his sketch this time, brow wrinkling as he shades in a section of the drawing.

"We're, uh, friends, right?" Tony hates how needy he sounds, but some days he does need to hear it.

"Best friends," Steve says, giving Tony a look of fond exasperation.

Tony smiles, but he can feel how crooked it is. His fingers are tap-tap-tapping away at his arc reactor, the rhythmic noise somehow soothing. He wants... he wants... Tony feels like he's choking on want.

"Tony?" That's Steve's concerned voice. Tony has heard it often enough when one of the team is hurt.

Tony shakes his head. "'m fine, Cap."

"You don't look fine." Steve sets aside his sketchbook and stands. 

Tony's chest hurts, every breath is like a battle. Steve is walking towards him and he can't, he can't. If Steve touches him it will be over and Tony can't.

"Sir."

Tony's head snaps up in relief at Jarvis's soft interruption. Steve is already half-way across the room, but he stops and looks up as well. 

"SHIELD is reporting an incident in Midtown." Jarvis pauses, then says, "Captain Rogers is requesting the team assemble. Agent Barton is already prepping the Quinjet."

"Thanks, J." Tony says, watching Steve try to parse Jarvis's words.

"Tony?" Steve sounds confused and a little scared, and it cuts through Tony like a sharp knife.

Every day Tony promises himself that he'll tell Steve, make him understand, but he doesn't. He can't.

"Sorry, Steve," Tony whispers the words and offers an apologetic smile. "Jarvis, end program."

Steve flickers out of existence and the workshop windows slowly shift from black to translucent. As Tony settles into his suit he says, "Jarvis, make a note to remind me to scrub the last few minutes from Steve's programming, okay? I don't want him to remember that."

"Yes, sir." Jarvis sounds almost hesitant as he adds, "Sir, perhaps it is time to archive the program?"

"He was my first hologram, Jarvis. And I just got his... code exactly where I want it. Thanks, Captain Rogers," Tony adds under his breath. "I'm not going to shove him into the attic now just because the real thing decided to come in from the cold."

"Yes, sir."

"Now, get your mind into the game," Tony says, blasting up and out toward the Quinjet landing pad.

THE END.


End file.
